The See-crud of the Red Tissue Paper

By Bobby Belden, edited by Cathymw

    I was on the porch, playing with my fire engine and firemen, when Trixie came tearing out of the house.  “Come on,” she said.  “You’re going to spend the afternoon up at the Manor House.”  As always, Trixie was in a hurry, so she grabbed my hand too hard and tried to jerk me up.

    So I pulled my hand free.  “Hey!  Whatcha think ya doing?  You hurted me, badly.”

    “I didn’t either,” Trixie said.  “But I am in a hurry.  Come on.”  She scooped up my red fire engine.  “You can play with this up there just as well as you can down here.”

    “CAN’T!” I yelled because she only grabbed the fire engine.  “All of my fireman are down here.”

    Trixie looked at me with that impatient look she always gets when she’s in a hurry.  Which, like I mentioned, is all the time.  “Well, bring the fireman along too.  Not that I see any.”

    I rolled my eyes at her.  For a good detective, she sure was dumb.  It was obvious where my firemen were. I grabbed the red clothespins Moms had given me, putting the experienced firemen in the fire engine and stuffing the new recruits into my jeans.  “My men,” I said.  “I’m the chief, ‘course.”

    “Oh, I see,” Trixie said meekly, finally catching on.  “You can put out a lot of fires on the Wheelers’ veranda.  Ben and Di are going to play with you while Honey and I patrol the preserve.  You will be a good boy, won’t you, Bobby?”

    I rolled my eyes again.  “Not a boy.  I’m a fire chief.”  I didn’t add that of course, I’d be a good fire chief.  That should have been obvious too.

    I ran up the path ahead of Trixie, running even faster when I saw Regan.  I adore Regan. 

    “I’m a fire chief, Regan,” I yelled, so he could hear me.  “Hey!  You got some fires for me to put out?”

    “Why sure,” Regan said, lifting me up and putting me on his shoulders.  You can see why I adore Regan.

    I turned my head around and was able to see that Honey had already saddled and bridled Starlight and Susie.  Regan’s been teaching me all about riding horses so I knew what she had done.  She handed Susie’s reins to Trixie and mounted Starlight.  “Di and Ben,” she said to Trixie, “drove into town to get some stuff Ben forgot this morning.  Isn’t that typical of him?  He brought back everything but the most important items, the turkey and pumpkin pies.”

    “Oh,” Trixie moaned, “I can’t go until they come back.  Who will keep an eye on Bobby?”   I don’t know what she was complaining about, I was just as upset by this news.  Ben and Diana are both a lot of fun to play with, although I don’t like the music they are listening to lately.

    “I will,” Regan said, being nice like always.  “There’s a whole box of crinkly red tissue paper upstairs in my room.  It’ll make a grand fire, won’t it, Bobby?”  Regan sat me down, and rang the bell on my fire engine.  I love the sound it makes, but evidently Starlight didn’t, cause the horse jumped away in fright.  Luckily, Honey didn’t fall off.  I bet, if it had been Trixie’s horse that was scared, Trixie would have fallen off.

    “That will teach you,” Regan said, frowning up at her.  “Sitting there like a sack of meal, with the reins slack!  You should know better, Honey Wheeler, and if you don’t, it’s time you learn.”

    Honey turned red.  “I am getting awfully careless, Regan,” she said.  “It’s just that Trixie and I have done so much riding lately that I feel more at home in the saddle than I do in a chair.”

    “Feel at home as much as you like,” Regan answered.  “But don’t forget that a horse is a live animal.  A chair isn’t.  Even the best rider can be thrown and dragged by the gentlest, best-schooled horse in the world.”  Then he turned to Trixie as she swung into her saddle.  “You’ve been getting careless lately too.  If you don’t remember to keep your heels down, you won’t be allowed to ride anything around here except a sawhorse.”  But then he grinned at them both.  Regan is never as mad as he pretends to be.  “Get going, you two.  What are you waiting for ---  a street car?”

    Honey and Trixie left on their horses, and Regan grabbed my hand to walk back up to his apartment, where we’d be able to play firemen with his tissue paper.

    But first, I had to ask him an important question.

    “Regan,” I asked politely.  “Can I ask you a question?”

    “Of course, Bobby.  What’s your question?”

    “Whatsa sawhorse?”

    Regan smiled down at me.  “Oh, that’s actually something you use to hold wood while you’re sawing.”

    I looked up at him, confused.  “You use horses to holded wood?  How do they holded the wood?  With their teeth?”

    He chuckled.  “No, Bobby.  Sawhorses are two pieces of equipment, usually also made of wood, that stand opposite each other and hold a piece of wood that you need to saw.  That way you can use both hands to saw the wood and don’t need anyone else to help you.”

    “So they ain’t horses?”  I asked as we walked up the stairs to his apartment.

    “Nope.”

    “They why dey called horses?”  I asked, frowning up at him.

    “Well, umm… well, really I don’t know.  They just are called that.” 

    That wasn’t a very good answer, but I let it go.  At least he didn’t answer, “Cause I said so,” which is the answer I usually hear.  Besides, we had gotten up to his apartment now, and I couldn’t wait to play with the red tissue paper.  But first, Regan went over to get a glass of water for him and some milk for me.

    Besides, now I had a different question.

    “Well, why would Trixie wanna ride a piece of wood?”

    For some reason, Regan choked on his water before answering it.   “Umm… she wouldn’t want to ride a sawhorse,” he said.  “I was just threatening her that if she didn’t shape up, she wouldn’t be allowed to ride a real horse anymore.  Maybe I should have said, ‘the only horse you’ll be riding on will be a carousal horse.’  Maybe that would have been better.”

    “Oh boy!” I said, jumping up and down.  “We gets to ride onna carousal?”           

    “No… no!  We’re not, Bobby.”  Regan said, rubbing his temples.  I’ve noticed people seem to do that a lot around me.  “No carousal horses.  Never mind, look, why don’t we play firemen?”

    “Okey-dokey,” I said, plopping down on the kitchen floor.  “You gonna get the tissue paper now?  Cause my firemen need a fire to put out.” 

    I pulled the firemen out of my pocket while Regan went to a closet and pulled out a big box.  He placed it on the coffee table and opened it up, looking around until he found what he wanted.   Then he came back with a whole bunch of red tissue paper and crinkled it up, just like he said he would.

    “Hey Regan!  Can I ask you ‘nother question?” I asked.

    He agreed, although this time he took him a while longer to answer the question.

    “A chair isn’t a dead aminal, is it?”

    Regan just blinked at me a couple of times.  “What?”

    “You tolded Honey that unlike a chair, a horse is a live aminal.  So I wondered if a chair was a dead aminal.”

    He sighed, another thing people seem to do around me a lot.  “No, Bobby, a chair is not a dead animal… or an animal at all really.”

    “What if it was made from leather?  Ain’t that from cows? Does that make it a dead aminal?”

    “No, Bobby, even then a chair isn’t an amin…  great, now you have me saying it.  A chair isn’t an animal, even if any part of it was made from an animal.  Anyway, here’s the fire, Bobby!  You and your firemen better put it out.”

    I ran to get the fire truck and started scooting  it over, making loud fire truck noises as I raced along. 

    “Oops! Sorry, Regan,” I said after I accidentally ran over Regan’s foot in the process.

    “Hurry up, hurry up, Fire Chief Bobby!”  Regan said as he waved the crinkly red tissue paper.  “The fire’s spreading quickly.  Hurry and douse it with water.”

    So I did.

    “Oops, I’m sorry, Regan,” I said.  “I guess it was ‘sposed to be pertend water, huh?  But at least now the fire’s out, right?”

    “Umm… yes.  Quite out.”  He looked down past his dripping, wet shirt down to the goopy, red mess that was now spread all over his floor.

    “Oops.  Hey!  Lemme go get some more tissue paper to clean that up.”  I raced over to the box, grabbed some yellow paper lying on top and threw it on the floor, trying to mop up the water.

    “Oops, sorry, Regan,” I said.  “Hey, whattayaknow?  Red and yellow do make norange.”

    Regan stood up and went to get some regular, white-colored paper towels from above his sink and bent down to wipe up the mess.  I went back over to the box, because I had noticed some other stuff in there when I grabbed the yellow tissue paper.

    “Hey, Regan!  What’s all dis stuff?”  Inside the box, there were all sorts of pretty things.  More tissue paper, construction paper in all sorts of colors, glitter, glue, and lots of other stuff.

    “Oh, those are just art supplies, Bobby.  Actually, would you like to stop playing firemen and make some greeting cards?”  Regan said, walking back over as he wiped his hands dry.

    “Like dis one?”  I asked, pulling out a heart-shaped greeting card.   Regan tried to yank it out of my hand, but I was too quick for him and scooted around the sofa and looked at the card. I slowly read the cover.  “To a bee-yoo-ti-ful wo-man.   Oooh!” I said, bouncing up and down. “Regan’s got a girlfriend, Regan’s got a girlfriend.” 

    “No I don’t, Bobby,” he said as he yanked the card out of my hand.  “Look, why don’t you sit down here and we’ll make some pretty cards.”

    “Okey-doke,” I said, sitting down and sticking my legs under the coffee table.  Luckily, Regan just got a new rug, so the floor wasn’t cold or hard. 

    “What color card do you want to make, Bobby?” Regan asked as he began to pull construction paper out of the box.

    “Labbender… and norange.  They’re my favoritest colors.  Although if we make some heart cards, mebbe I should use another color, since hearts aren’t ‘sposed to be labbender or norange, are they?” I asked.

    “Well, no, I suppose typically they would be red.  But how about if we make the card out of any of the colors I have, and then we can glue some of the red tissue paper to the card.  I’ll cut them out, then you can write on them and decorate them with the glitter I have?”  He sat down on the couch and pulled out the construction paper.

    “Cool beans, Regan.”  I knew he wouldn’t want me to use the scissors.  No one ever lets me play with scissors… or knives.  I don’t know why.

    I waited a few seconds while he cut out the first heart.  “So, who was da card for then, if she’s not a girlfriend?  Who’s the bee-yoo-ti-ful woman?”

    I was really surprised to see Regan turn as red as his hair.  “She’s just a friend.  I was just trying to cheer her up.”

    “Is she a girl?”

    “Well, a woman,” Regan corrected.

    “And she’s your friend?”  I asked.  He nodded.

    “Then she’s a girlfriend,” I said plainly as I started to write the first card.  Why do big people always have to complicate things?

    Regan laughed.  “It’s not quite that simple when you get older, Bobby.”

    “I dunno why.  I have lots and lots of girlfriends,” I said. 

    “Really?  Aren’t you the man?” Regan said, cutting out a pink heart.

    “Oops, sorry, Regan,” I said.  “I didn’t mean to drop my marker on da rug.  But it didn’t make too much of a stain.”

    “That’s okay, Bobby.  I think those markers are washable,” Regan said, as he handed me the glue and glitter to decorate my first card.  “I hope.   Anyway, I have a friend, who happens to also be a woman, and I wanted to cheer her up.   She seemed a bit… sad and lonely when we first met, since both of us were new to the area, and I thought something like a secret admirer would be nice.”

    “Ooh, I love see-cruds,” I said, bouncing up and down. 

    “Well, she seemed to like this secret as well.  I sent her little gifts, or made her cards, for a couple of weeks or so.” 

    “Oops, sorry, Regan,” I said when lots of glue came spraying out of the bottle and on to the table and the rug.  “I guess I squeezed too hard.”

    Regan jumped up, ran to the kitchen, and started wetting down some more paper towels.

    “I’m sorry, Regan, here, I’ll clean it up.   Oops.”  While trying to clean up the glue, I spilled the open jar of glitter all over the rug.  I thought it looked kind of pretty, but I don’t think Regan liked it as much as I did.

    Regan sighed again.  “Never mind, Bobby.  Why don’t we just finish doing the rest of these cards?  How many girlfriends do you need to make cards for?”

    “Eighteen,” I answered as I made a pretty glitter smiley face on one of the cards.

    “Eighteen!  You have eighteen girlfriends!”

    I nodded, since I was paying more attention to the smiley face.  Then I remembered.   “Hey! What about your girlfriend?  Who is she?”

    Regan just smiled.  “I’m not going to tell you who it was, Bobby.  That’s my secret.  Anyway, tell me about all of your girlfriends,” he said.

    I frowned at him.  Like Trixie, I don’t like it when I don’t know something.  But, maybe I’ll find out later.  It would be, like, a mystery.    My first mystery. 

    Little did I know how long it would take before I found out the answer. 

Authors' notes:  Okay, I've learned from my mistakes, so I'm going to make sure that I go first this time. 
So, my turn.

Thanks so much to Pat (Amygirl), Trish (PBahr),  Dani, Dana, Mary, Malficient, Patte (FairyGodMom), Diana, Carol (C_M), AprilW, Rachele (Wingnut), Julie (macjest), Deanna (cestmoi1), and Tammy, for their kind donations to the Horrorcane FUNdraiser for Regan's see-crud.  Oh, I donated a dollar as well in an attempt to misdirect anyone who was trying to guess who was playing Bobby.  I had forgotten to do that on any of the other see-cruds. :) 

Thanks also to Jenn for her wonderful editing.  I promise, not too many Bobby stories to go. :)

Thanks to Mary and Misty for having to calculate all of these wonderful see-cruds.

And thanks, as always, to Cathy for providing us with this wonderful place called Jixemitri, where we can debate important things like "Why does Regan have red tissue paper?" 

Don't worry, I won't leave you all hanging as to the recipient of these cards and gifts.  Wait until I post the next see-crud. :)

Oh, and Mary and I have a trivia question for everyone.  Without looking it up, in which book does the red tissue paper come into play?

Alright, now Bobby's turn.

Yay!  Okay, so I also wanna thank all those wonderful Jixters who gaved money for this see-crud!  In fact, each and every one of youse will be getting a present really soon (well, if I haved your address!)

And I also wanna thank Regan, since he was da one with the purty red tissue paper.  Sorry 'bout those stains on the carpet.  But think of it this way, you're the only one wit' glittery gold carpet.

And let's see, where did I leave off? Oh yeah, thanks to Cyndi, and Cynthia, and C_M, and DebbieW, and Debbihtx, and Diana, and Dianafan (AND WHY ISN'T THERE A BOBBYFAN?), and Diane, and Diann, and diecastgirl, and DoveofPeace, and eileener, and El_, and FairyGodMom, and Frances, and franollie, and Gram Yamel, and greyfort, and Hayday, and helenjw, and Holly and...

I'm sorry, Bobby, we're ummm... we're running out of space on this webpage, we can't do anymore.  Sorry, nope, there's no more room.

Thanks everyone!